While practicing self-compassion, the question may arise whether focusing on practicing compassion towards oneself does not isolate us, does not make us selfish. The exercise shows that our self-compassion can only develop if it is embedded in a much broader context, the three flows of compassion.

There are three flows of compassion: the compassion we receive from others, the compassion we give to others, and self-compassion. Only when these three components are in balance can we speak of mental health.

The practice of self-compassion teaches us to embrace our own weaknesses, the part of our reality that it is part of our human nature, and that is able to make mistakes. In this way, we do not feel the need to blame others and to portray ourselves in the role of victim in order to rid ourselves of the unpleasant feelings of self-blame. Compassionately embracing our own suffering and limitations helps us to be compassionate towards the weaknesses of our fellow human beings. When we experience that we can be loved with our suffering, we are able to love others in the midst of their suffering.

More compassionate people are more likely to form close, authentic and mutually supportive friendships than those who are self-critical. 

It is in close relationships that we become most emotionally vulnerable, and we worry most about whether others will judge us. When we are compassionate towards ourselves, we stop judging ourselves, so we stop worrying so much about whether or not others will accept us. Instead, we have enough energy to focus on the emotional needs of ourselves and others.

In order to be compassionate to others, it is necessary that we ourselves receive compassion from ourselves and others. Compassion from others not only fills our reservoir of compassion, it also teaches us humility. Through it we can experience our need for our fellow human beings. It is incompatible with compassion to be constantly in a position of giving.

One of the main differences between pity and compassion is that when we pity someone we see them as special because of their suffering, whereas when we have compassion for someone we are aware of our own suffering and that of all humanity. So we can approach them as equals. For compassion is not a relationship of healer and wounded, but a meeting of equals who embrace their own and each other's wounds with compassion. Only when we know our own darknesses well enough and learn to embrace them with compassion can we be present in the darkness of others.

Compassion becomes real when suffering is recognised as a crucial part of our common humanity.

We can observe how the three flows of compassion appear in our lives: self-compassion, compassion given to others and compassion received from others. Which is more prevalent? Where do we need to pay attention, to develop?