If I were to use an image, I would say that compassion is like the spacious and tender space of the womb, which welcomes new life as it is, nurtures it, gives it space to grow, so that when the time comes, it can be born. Self-compassion means embracing my own being with the intimacy of a womb embracing the developing fetus within it.

If we want to define it scientifically, according to Kristin Neff we can distinguish three components of self-compassion:
- The first is mindfulness, which opens me up to perceive reality here and now as it is: in all its complexity, with all its joys and pains. What I don't allow to come close to me, what I don't allow to touch me, to resonate in my emotions and in my body, will not be able to change either.
- The second component is the awareness that my experience, including the experience of pain, is part of the common human experience, of common humanity. When I am suffering, it is easy to think that everyone else is free from suffering, I am the only one unfortunate enough to suffer. I therefore feel ashamed of myself and feel an urge to isolate myself from those I know. In contrast, the reality is that we are all suffering, and this shared experience of suffering, like some shared secret, binds us together in a deep and intimate way.

- The third component is the kindness I show to my suffering self (loving-kidness) regardless of the extent to which I am responsible for my suffering.

The beneficial effects of self-compassion have only been recognised by helping professionals in the last two decades, and have only started to be emphasised in Hungarian in the last few years. There are still many people who have not heard of it or have overlooked it. This is not surprising, since our Western culture does not consider self-compassion a virtue. Many people have a very deep and visceral suspicion of self-kindness. These are rooted in our psychological wounds, on the one hand, and in a misunderstanding of the concept of self-compassion, on the other. Such misunderstandings often inhibit our capacity for self-compassion, so it is important to clarify them at the beginning of our journey.

"Self-compassion equals self-pity" - Experience shows that self-compassion is the antidote to self-pity. While self-pity says "poor me!", self-compassion recognises that life is difficult for everyone. Thus, the person with self-compassion does not exaggerate his own suffering, does not lose hope, but the feeling of connectedness with others becomes a source of strength for him to overcome his difficulties.

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"Self-compassion means that I am selfish and instead of helping others, I revolve around myself" - Conversely, giving ourselves the gift of compassion is a powerful resource to give more in our relationships. Research shows that compassionate people are more caring and supportive.

"Self-compassion is for the weak. I need to be strong to get on in life" - In fact, self-compassion is a reliable source of inner strength from which courage flows. It is a gentle force that increases psychological resilience when faced with difficulties.

"Compassion makes you lazy." - Experience shows that compassion opens us up to take a long-term view of our health and well-being, rather than short-term pleasures, and to mobilise our resources to do so.

"Self-compassion makes me cruel to others, because it makes me forgiving of my own mistakes. In order to take into account the well-being of others, I have to discipline myself harshly." - In fact, self-compassion creates a safe, space in which we can recognize and admit our mistakes. Research shows that people with self-compassion are more likely to take responsibility for their mistakes and are more likely to apologise when they hurt others.

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"I can never achieve my goals if I don't rely on my tough self-criticism at every moment. Someone with fewer goals may be self-compassionate, but I'm demanding and I don't have that luxury." - Many people believe that self-criticism is the best motivator. Yet self-criticism undermines self-confidence, motivates through fear. Self-compassion motivates with love. And love is stronger than fear.

It is worth asking ourselves honestly: what is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word self-compassion? What emotion, what visceral reaction or body sensation does this word resonate with me?