We often find that a bad mood is contagious. If someone around us is tense, volatile, raises their voice, it rubs off on us and we start to feel, think and behave in the same way. Our mirror neurons are responsible for this phenomenon. It is through them that we sense that the other person's red system is working and our red system is activated. This process starts a downward spiral of unpleasant emotions, we interact with each other in such a way that we become more and more tense.

If we notice this happening within us, we can start to blame ourselves. We can become dissatisfied with ourselves for the way we see the moods of others impinging on our own. This dissatisfaction makes us even more tense, even more amplifies our red systems activity. In this way we reinforce the downward emotional spiral.

The good news is that the practice of self-compassion can break this damaging spiral. When we notice that the activation of the red system of those around us has switched on our own red system through our mirror neurons, we can become aware that we are not to blame for this phenomenon. We did not determine how our mirror neurons work, it is not up to us whether or not they switch on. We can turn tenderly to ourselves who are suffering, reminding ourselves that all humans share this suffering, because all humans have mirror neurons.

As we begin to embrace our suffering selves with compassion, our green system is activated. Slowly, slowly, waves of calm begin to flow through our bodies. We can still feel the tension, but we can also experience that something has fundamentally changed within us.

In the long term, this change will begin to be felt by those around us. Their mirror neurons will involuntarily detect the activation of our green system, and their green system will kick in. So by consciously turning on our green system, we break the downward emotional spiral and start the upward spiral of pleasant emotions.

However, it is important to be vigilant about whether we have actually triggered our green system. We can start to worry about what will happen if the other person's mirror neurons don't turn on their green system. Worry turns on our red system and, through the other person's mirror neurons, amplifies the operation of their red system. It can also make us smug about how we can influence the other person, make us feel superior, and give us pride in manipulating our fellow human being. Then our blue system kicks in and we will activate the other person's blue system. In neither case is the upward spiral of pleasant emotions triggered.

Instead, let us simply turn with tenderness towards our own suffering. With tender interest, we watch how this kindness spreads through our own bodies, and, transcending its boundaries, through our mirror neurons, reaches those around us. Gently, almost imperceptibly.

When I notice that the tension of those around me begins to resonate within me, I can become aware that I have taken over their red system activity with my mirror neurons, I can turn tenderly to my own suffering, caused by the automatic activation of my red system, I can let my green system kick in, let the relief begin to flow through my body, and watch curiously as the upward spiral begins, as the green system of those around me slowly begins to kick in.