The most fundamental task of any therapeutic relationship is the development of emotion regulation at the level of our nervous system.

This emotion regulation develops in our infancy and childhood in our relationship with our mother (or primary caregiver). No matter how loving, caring and responsive a mother may be, there will always be some small or large part of this learning process of emotion regulation that does not take place in childhood.

​

From this lack, various difficulties, psychological problems and disorders develop facilitated by external life circumstances. This deficiency can be remedied at any stage of life, and often does not even need professional help. Our trusting, loving human relationships have a healing effect on our nervous system by enabling us to practice emotion regulation.

But there are situations in life, and there are deep deficits, where professional help is needed. I think of helping professionals as those who, within the safe and artificial framework of therapy, purposefully create the medium, the space of the therapeutic relationship in which emotion regulation can be practised. 

​

The main impact factor of the process is the helping relationship. The safe space provided by the helping relationship in which change can begin. And the different therapeutic techniques contribute to making experiences accessible in this safe space, to recognising the healthy and wounded parts of the self and to starting a dialogue beetween these parts. 

 

In order to do this, in addition to the conversation, the Socratic dialogue, I consider the use of various guided imagination, bodywork, focusing and breathing-, mindfulness- and self-compassion meditation practices to be essential. These techniques allow us to encounter experience on a deeper level than just thoughts. 

​

They facilitate neural processes that contribute to the practice of emotion regulation.

​

In the safe space of the therapeutic relationship, the client experiences emotions that are difficult to manage in everyday life. They experience shame, anger, fear, sadness, disappointment, etc. The neurological processes that make these emotions perceptible at the level of the body are activated.

 

The shortcomings of emotion regulation lie in the underdevelopment of the neural processes that can maintain the intensity of the former emotions at a level that does not yet overwhelm the client. 

Therapy aims to develop these latter processes.

 

One way of doing this is through the therapeutic relationship itself. A similar process takes place here as an infant learns to regulate its emotions. 

When an infant experiences unpleasant emotions, her mother's mirror neurons help her to perceive and, to some extent, feel these emotions. She reflects and displays it with her facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures. The mother's body then triggers the neurological processes that soothe her, and the baby will sense this soothing through its own mirror neurons. This self-soothing will be transmitted to the infant by the mirror neurons, triggering neural processes in the infant that regulate its intense emotions. These processes cannot be carried out by the infant alone, but they are gradually developed in the infant's nervous system as it experiences the self-soothing of its mother.

​

Similarly, the therapist senses the unpleasant emotions that are overwhelming the client. Using his own calming neurological processes, he gives his client the opportunity to develop his own calming neurological processes using his mirror neurons. 

 

This happens every time the client talks about an issue  while experiencing what he is talking about. The emotions that are present in the here and now trigger bodily processes that provide the space to practice emotion regulation.

In cases where the client is emotionally distanced from the topic he is talking about, a variety of imaginative and body-focused exercises can help to get in touch with the emotions related to the topic. Once these emotions become conscious and present in the here and now, it is possible to practice emotion regulation. This is one area where non-verbal techniques are needed.

 

However defective an adult may be in emotion regulation, the neurological processes responsible for self-soothing exist within him to some extent as resources. These processes can be triggered through various techniques in the safe space of the therapeutic relationship.

Such a technique might be to recall a memory of a time when the client was able to keep their emotions in balance, to recall a bodily sensation experienced during emotion regulation, or to look for a symbol that expresses the inner experience of emotion regulation. 

In the here-and-now of the therapeutic relationship, when an emotion appears that is needs to be regulated, the therapist's task is to put the client in touch with the memories, symbols, images, body sensations that trigger the neural processes responsible for regulating the emotion.

The client will then experience that the nervous processes responsible for the emotion that needs to be regulated are working simultaneously with the nervous processes responsible for calming down.

​

The two processes interact, emotion intensity decreases and the processes responsible for emotion regulation develop.

The client's nervous system matures.

​

The therapist's own emotion regulation, through the functioning of mirror neurons, assists this process by amplifying the client's already developing self-regulatory neural processes.

​

While many topics are touched upon in the therapeutic process, many techniques are used, deep down in the body, the neurological processes responsible for emotion regulation are developed.